Beware His Space

By Catherine Portland

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Breaking up with someone is tough and the only way to get through it is to cut all contact for at least 60 days, or so say the plethora of self help books "belonging to my friends".

All very well in theory - you can delete phone numbers and, where necessary, rip up photos - but having him available at the touch of a button is a little trickier.

So-called networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook should be avoided immediately after a split if you are to have any chance of purging him from you head.

I recently made the mistake of meeting up with an ex-boyfriend. Ok, so that kind of scuppers the no contact rule, but the break-up had been amicable and we got on well so I thought there could be little harm in having a drink.

And I was right. Until the inevitable happened and, after one too many, we ended up in each others arms. Of course, I had a sneaky peek at his MySpace profile the next day. And there she was, his beautiful ex-girlfriend in the sought after number one spot.

I'm no bunny boiler and could see that this, in itself, did not amount to infidelity. Besides, she lived in New York and he lived in New Cross. However, I soon saw that the two of them had been embarking on a series of flirtatious conversations along the lines of "missing you baby". She even invited him to her graduation and he responded with a maybe.

Digging a little deeper, I noticed that his mates and even his sister all appeared in her top friends and that her face littered their comments pages. The ex was practically family - there was even a photograph of her with his mother posted by his sister. Taken at a wedding.

My mind started working overtime and I came to the conclusion that they were still in love and who was I to stand in the way of something beautiful. So I cut contact, properly this time. Who knows, if it hadn't been for Murdoch's money making machine, I may never have found out about the seemingly harmless flirtation and I could have given us a second chance.

Those at the tentative initial stages of a new relationship should also tread carefully on the MySpace minefield, particularly the "status" section which is full of potential etiquette disasters. For example, switching from "single" to "in a relationship" too early is the equivalent of leaving a shelf full of cosmetics in the bathroom or informing him of your favourite baby names on your first date.

Like alcohol, these networking sites can be ok in moderation but taken in excess they can leave you looking like a fool with a bad taste in your mouth and a bunny simmering away on the stove.