Christmas: The relationship killer

Trevor Field offers some reflections on the dating game during the festive period.

It's not easy, being 'in love' at Christmas. Well, that's not strictly true: it can be easy, but not if you've been in the relationship for only a few months. One of the most difficult things to cope with at Christmas is a new romance. I mean, as if you don't have enough to think about at the festive time of year!

Getting together with someone in mid to late November might seem like a good idea at the time - everyone needs something to get them through the winter - doing so just before Christmas can put such pressure on the relationship that it will die before it has even started. First of all, there are all the parties you have to attend. If you go alone, people ask where she is and make their own conclusions. If she joins you, then you are immediately cemented as an item forevermore.

Plus there's all that mistletoe at Christmas parties. Any harmless flirting or even just friendly banter with female friends becomes strictly off-limits when you've got a new girl with you, no matter what time of year it is. But at Christmas the abundance of mistletoe means that you are even less likely to negotiate a party without getting close with a female friend. And that won't go down well with the new girlfriend, no matter how understanding she might appear to be.

But perhaps the biggest pressure comes with the need to buy presents for the new partner. If you get together in November it won't be long before family and friends start asking what you're going to get her for Christmas.

My answer to this particular question a few years ago was simply 'Er, I don't know, some socks or something I suppose, we've only been together a few weeks.' Unfortunately, it seems this was the wrong answer and my friends treated me with scorn for such a suggestion. Apparently, to show her that I was the 'genuine article' (whatever that is) and that I was serious about this relationship, I had to impress her with some massively overblown gesture. Like a helicopter ride over London or a romantic weekend away for two to Marrakech. Why not go the whole hog and get a mortgage, joint bank account and life insurance?

As it turned out, we didn't make it until Christmas. I probably had a few too many beers at a few too many parties and she decided I was not in the right place for her right now. But she waited until Christmas Eve to tell me what had been 'on her mind for some time'. Of course, because it had been on her mind, she had not bought a Christmas present for me, but I had not been quite so crafty. Fortunately I had ignored the calls for expensive gifts and as a result was able to palm off the chocolates I had chosen on my sister. So all was not lost.