Do you trust me?
The kissing conundrum is just one strand of a very vexed issue
By Catherine Portland
We all know the perils of thinking too much, many of us from firsthand experience but a recent survey has got me over-analysing.
That is, a woman wants to kiss before, during and after the event.
The man, many will say predictably, isn't generally fussed either way.
This led me - not directly, admittedly - to ponder how my own partners have fared on the kissing spectrum.
All of them have appeared and in some cases professed to enjoy it independent of anything naughtier, which means either (a) my unstratified sample is not representative (b) the survey is wrong (c) they were all lying to me.
After a little thought, I realise (c) - though not as immediately obvious a cause as (a) - is the most likely determinant since every man I've dated has subsequently been revealed to have had his pants on fire for most, or all, of our relationship.
Being a huge fan of Disney's Aladdin, I am always reminded, when my latest beau lets me down, of the scene when the eponymous, dashing hero reaches out to his princess from aboard his magic carpet and asks whether she trusts him.
Like Jasmine, I always take his hand and hope for the best as we sweep off.
However, I'm still waiting for my happy ending. Life is slowly teaching me that all men are not like Aladdin, unless of course you take into account the rather big porky about being a prince.
They all claim to be Prince Charming, when most girls would be quite happy for a so-called 'street rat' of such a charming variety.
The problem with boys, in my experience at least, is that they are too focused on saying what you want to hear.
There are three stages to the inevitable process:
The gap between what they say and do becomes ever cavernous.
You question their latest fabrication and suddenly it's you in the wrong for being selfish/jealous/crazy.
You split up, or stay together just because it's the safe option.
Maybe it's because I go for the silver-tongued ones, but I can't help feeling aggrieved that it's women who are blamed for not saying what they mean.
Admittedly, there have been occasions when I haven't told the man in my life why I was in a sulk and been angry that he wasn't, in his words, 'a mind-reader'.
But not saying anything is less reprehensible than saying something untrue. I blame it on the chat-up line culture; men think they have to sweet talk women to have a chance with them and once they've got what they wanted - which includes a relationship if they are that way inclined - they tend to slack.
So blokes, please, just tell us the truth, instead of whisking us off for an ultimately futile, if fun, carpet ride. Stick with the kissing, since you're only ambivalent and it matters to us, but show us your whole self and maybe, just maybe, we'll come down to the street to join you.
