Going out, again

Trevor Davies

Although the thought of coming across your first girlfriend/boyfriend again after all these years might be sickening to some people, it is apparently quite common. The Metro unearthed one London pair who hadn't seen each other for nearly 18 years since they first began going out at school. After heading to different universities they split up, only to bump into each other on the street many years later and start a brief affair, even though they were both married. (or perhaps you need to get over an old flame and meet someone new? Then UK Net Guide's Dating Search!)

"We simply lost our senses for a few weeks," was how the girl described it to the paper. Indeed, I think I'm in the camp of people who'd rather not meet up with my first girlfriend. As most people can probably relate, I'm not the same person I was when I was a teenager, so I can't quite see the logic of going back to a relationship that you had when you were still drinking alco-pops in dingy clubs.

However, according to Nancy Kalish, finding your 'first love' and rekindling a relationship can be a wonderful thing. Often, apparently, these relationships were cut short by upheavals and teenage rebellion. At a time in people's lives when they are more settled, that initial attraction can turn into something more long-term.

I enquired about this with a few friends and most of them were in the same camp as me. The general consensus was that they either couldn't remember what he/she looked like and wouldn't want to go back to someone who may have turned into a complete freak.

However, one of my friends had a completely different view. "I'd love to see him again," she sighed. "We were so in love but his mum hated me and my parents didn't agree with him having a motorbike." I laughed at this point, as it seemed to highlight my argument. What trivial issues! Why try and seek out someone you went out with when you were still concerned about what people thought at school.

I think the root cause of this 'reigniting' of old flames is simple curiosity. It's the same inner need that most people have to know what people are up to these days. How successful they've become and if they've popped out a few kids. I certainly have no real interest outside of this natural curiosity. I wouldn't mind knowing what my old girlfriends were up to and perhaps even exchange an email, but certainly not meeting up. That would just be strange.