My back-up's getting married

By Catherine Portland

My back-up is getting married. The man with whom I had agreed I would marry if we were both single at 37 has left me for another.

Harry and I had made the arrangement at the tender age of just 22, after years of friendship and a couple of years of casual flings. It seemed that we had the essential recipe for a marriage of convenience, but we obviously never took it seriously that we would get married.

Even so, upon hearing the news that he had committed to another, it makes me panic a little bit. I am not in shock at losing this potential love of my life, but more that I have started to feel old. And scared of being alone.

I am only 30 and evidently had decided the age of desperation would not kick in until 37, but I somehow imagined that I would not end up leaving things late.

Now, if I start to think about it, I have to meet a man, date said man, wait for things to get serious with man, get proposed to, wait an addition year for the wedding. That seems like it could take way longer than seven years.

And it's nearer to six now - my birthday is just around the corner.

So I have begun to think about stepping up the husband search a notch or two. Maybe I have overlooked someone I have known for years. Maybe I could settle for more of a pally marriage like the one that I would have had with Harry had he not abandoned me so cruelly.

I have only met one person who married their so-called back-up and this was my aunt.

Aunt Sara is the biggest-hearted, most ditsy person I have ever met in my life. They only thing I have ever seen her worry about was finding a husband. She is considerably younger than my mum and had grown up watching her older siblings settle down and get married. Thus, it became something of an obsession for her.

So she found herself an equally ditsy man to be her backup at the age of 20. They set the "Desperation Date" to be at the age of 29. Any they actually did it.

They have now been married 22 years and things are going great for them, but I think it takes a specific type of person to opt for a relationship based on friendship.

I know, I know, the sparks and stomach churning of the early days cannot last forever, but there has to be something more than just friendship that will make you desperate to see them and speak to them and know how they are for every day of your life.

Which, thinking about it, makes me realise that Harry probably didn't float my boat as much as I would have needed from a husband.

No. I will just have to hang on in there, playing the Bridget Jones game of Singledom, doing my very best not to make it obvious to potential spouses that I Am On The Look Out. They can sense it a mile off.

No, it's important to look. Let love find you. And don't go settling, girls.