My ex's fiance

By Catherine Portland

My ex's whirlwind relationship and subsequent marriage last weekend taught me some valuable lessons in keeping my distance.

I was in no way bitter when, last summer, my ex, Sam, told me he was getting married. Reaching my thirties has meant that every second weekend is spent at a wedding and why should his big day be any different? I was in fact more concerned for the fate of young Celine in light of Sam's fidelity track record. His relationship style involved significant overlaps between girlfriends. Sick of everyone you know walking down the aisle and not you? Why not true UK Net Guide's Dating Search to find love?

Anyway, problems at this wedding really arose when the blushing bride-to-be's utter contempt for me became evident for all, but Sam, to see. Not that this was ever mentioned. Every time I saw Sam she would ignore me, unless it was to give me the nastiest looks ever thrown my way.

Her feelings towards me, I believe, stem from the advice I gave to her beloved fiancé at the dawn of their relationship. He was living with another woman and wanted my advice about leaving the long-term live-in girlfriend for his then mistress, Celine.

Naturally, I advised him against leaping from relationship to relationship. "Have a break," I suggested, "just be single for a while". How naive. The next thing I knew he was shacked up with Celine and had informed her that I had advised he bring their relationship to an end. Great.

When I saw Celine out and about over the proceeding months, we generally tried to ignore each other, but occasionally we had no choice but to make awkward small talk.

One of these occasions came on a Saturday night in the confined space that was the toilets of our local. Just the two of us. No one else to shoulder the burden of talking to my apparent nemesis.

The happy couple had just announced their engagement. I was thus required to gush over her engagement ring for a good ten minutes – "ooh, he designed it himself, saffire is very unusual", asking all about the wedding plans – dress "maroon, how lovely", bridesmaids, "all six of your sisters!", honeymoon "France is sooo romantic", venue "the village hall – Excellent! It's great to stay local" - and their house hunting expeditions. We were both bubbling over with forced girliness, acting like recently reunited relations, but as soon as we returned to our respective tables, I could see her glaring at me.

To everyone's surprise, considering Sam's wandering eye, the wedding cogs began to turn and a date was set.

Upon receiving the invitation to the big day a couple of months ago, I was torn. Not emotionally torn because of his impending marriage but torn by the awkward decision I was faced with. Was he just inviting me because he should or did he actually want me to be there? Should I go and support my ex on his big day or should I cop out?

I decided to seize the bull by the horns and go for it.

The big day came round, and last Saturday, after agonising over what to wear for hours, I set off to the church.

As it turned out, I ended up spending the day, and evening, with one of Celine's ex boyfriends. He was in a similar situation to me, but had never really got over her, and was devastated that his best friend Sam (oh yes, the plot thickens) was marrying his ex.

The evening passed, predictably, with much drunken merriment and I was pleased I'd decided to go.

As the newlyweds were leaving for their honeymoon, I gave Celine a big hug and told her, sincerely, how beautiful she looked. She thanked me and hugged me back. The ice was broken, I rejoiced! We would be best friends for ever, I declared! When my time comes, she will be my bridesmaid!

But it was not to be. The day they got back from their measly four days of honeymooning in romantic France, we were blanking each other again.

And it seems that this is to be the eternal state of relations between us.

So what is the moral of my tale? The wisdom I have drawn from this web of awkwardness, I fear, is limited. It's never going to be easy to win over the new woman in his life if she refuses to cooperate.

However, I think when your ex quizzes you about relationship decisions that only he can make, its best just to stick steadfastly to "no comment".