By Catherine Portland

Liberalism is pervasive in polite society but there's often a gap between what people believe is acceptable and what they are willing to do.

In theory, I'm all for threesomes, assuming all parties consent…but I would never have one myself.

In fact, I think pretty much anything goes behind closed doors, providing everyone participates willingly and accepts the consequences, whatever they may be.

However, most of the far-out stuff you read about in magazines is alien to me and, from what I can gather, most of my female mates.

This could of course say something about my friendship group, but I think not.

My alternative hypothesis is that the truly wild people are often (though admittedly not always) the most conservative.

The kinkiest girl I know dresses like a librarian by day and is as serious as they come, rarely seen without a book in hand. She speaks very quietly and rarely. She is pretty in a doll-like way but everything about her implies respectability.

But by night, she is nothing less than a sexual beast, devouring men and women in her path and doing stuff I've only heard boys joke about.

And it's not all hearsay. I, and several of my mates, have been propositioned by this blonde enigma/sex addict.

My own experience was quite comical. I was doing that girly thing of dancing very provocatively with a girl (the sexy librarian) because, you know, it's a girl and you can be as racy and grind as much as you like without risking sexual assault. Or so I thought, until the sexy librarian tried to kiss me. I learned my lesson good and proper there.

I'd quite like to be a sexy librarian. In some ways I'm the opposite. People tell me I have a 'dirty mind'. I'd like to think I do.

I certainly like rude jokes and always have. I love double entendres, Freudian slips and all that jazz. If every conversation were about sex, I would be quite happy.

Who cares about love, music or politics when you can discuss getting on down?

However, as you may have gathered, it's all talk with me. I'll happily converse about orgies involving people of strange shapes and sizes suspended from various items of furniture with select types of tropical fruit scattered over their pulsating naked forms, but in real life I'd never take part in one, except maybe as the unwilling victim of a gang bang.

I imagine the sexy librarian might quite like that…