This is your song?!

by Trevor Davis

It's probably expecting far too much, but you'd think that Premiership footballers might be able to behave with at least a modicum of decorum at a wedding. But it was hardly surprising to read this week that legendary crooner (and adoptive-dad of a celebrity smackhead) Lionel Richie was heckled as he sang at the wedding of chav king John Terry and his long-suffering paramour Toni Poole. As he sang his 80s classic Hello (the backing for the brilliant 'blind-girl-makes-dodgy-clay-sculpture' video), the likes of Wayne Rooney, Jamie Carragher and Frank Lampard had to be quietened down, thanks to overdoing it on the free champagne.

But reflecting on the incident a few days later (well, that's a lie, I wasn't sitting around pondering the correct etiquette for a celebrity wedding, I saw it mentioned in a free paper), I wondered if the whole mess wasn't actually the fault of the newlyweds. After all, they had picked a rather syrupy ballad for their wedding dance and Wayne Rooney doesn't seem like the kind of bloke to sit in quiet contemplation when faced with such a stirring love-song.

Thinking about it, the wedding song can be a tricky decision. You could follow the route of the couple who recently memorised the dance routine for I've Had the Time of My Life but, let's be honest, that's incredibly naff. Or you could go down the Rod Stewart, I'm-actually-quite-an-old-man-I-don't-need-to-be-trendy route, and opt for something chirpy like his choice, Maybe It's because I'm A Londoner.

Whatever the choice, it should surely at least be a song that accurately encapsulates your overpowering love for each other. Or that comes from a rubbish romcom that your bride-to-be likes. You can't choose something with lyrics like "It's time to face the truth/I will never be with you".

Yet Gary Neville, Manchester United stalwart and owner of one of the worst moustaches in the world, reportedly had James Blunt's You're Beautiful at the top of his wedding song wish-list. He even offered the singer £100,000 to perform at the ceremony, but was rejected.

If the new Mrs Neville, 24-year-old holistic therapy student Emma, really thinks about it, she'd probably realise that the snub was a good thing. For one, a song about a chance encounter with an old flame isn't really fitting for a wedding day, and secondly, the song was so overplayed in the first place that the reception would've emptied quicker than a Lewis Hamilton lap.

To be honest, it really doesn't matter what the song is, as long as it means something special to the couple themselves. What would I choose? Well, that would be telling…