Gordon's Budget holidays

James Stone on the predicted rise of the 'green' holiday

While the focus of the media may have been trained exclusively on the chancellor's attempt to appeal to as many voters as he could by cutting taxes without actually giving any money away in his latest and last Budget, Gordon Brown did also try to score political points off Conservative leader David Cameron by trying to prove his green credentials with a number of green-ish measures. For instance, Mr Brown abolished stamp duty for carbon neutral homes under the value of £500,000; he announced plans to replace all conventional light bulbs with greener, energy saving alternatives by 2011; promised grants to pensioners to make their homes more efficient; and revealed incentives would be offered to UK farmers to implement new 'green' farm practices.

Very green indeed, Mr Brown, and he's not the only one at it: 'green' mortgages are being introduced by an increasing number of UK banks, while 'green' weddings are currently all the rage. Apparently, a chap called Joe Carrick sparked all this by buying his fiancée an 'ethical' white gold ring. Mr Carrick's lucky lady was so enamoured with it that she decided the whole event should be environmentally friendly: flowers were provided by the bride's mother (she grew crocuses in her greenhouse); a gas-converted Bentley was used for a car; and the dress was purchased from Oxfam.

As this approach is being copied by an alarming number of people, it wouldn't surprise me if before too long we're all forced to take green holidays. But what would these involve? Surely, flying would be out of the question: just as flights are about to start tumbling in price as a result of the new "open skies" agreement between the EU and the US, Uncle Gordon is putting taxes up to discourage plane-use. Soon, it won't be possible to catch a plane without first agreeing to plant a million trees in compensation to the environment.

So what does that leave? Ferry, presumably, although I'm sure environmental campaigners will soon push to rule that out on the grounds that the odd fleet-leader might cause the death of one or two baby seals. If this does happen, we'll be left with the channel tunnel, although options here will obviously be limited as skiing in the Alps will soon be out as a result of global warming, and Euro Disney is sure to be shut down on the grounds of cruelty to animals.

Best to stay at home then. You won't be able to drive anywhere - cars are bad for the environment - while public transport while be useless as so many people will have the same idea. Yep, it's the back garden for us Brits - although at least the weather will be nice.

Of course, all of this spells bad news for England's cricketers. It's possible, as a result of all this, that they'll be unable to get home from the cricket world cup in the West Indies: they may have to resort to paddling home on Freddie Flintoff's pedalo. No wonder he was so keen to practise.