Wanted: Romance

By Catherine Portland

A survey has been released this week about the relationship wants of Americans and how far they are willing to go to get the romance they crave.

Some 64 per cent of men and 72 per cent of women want more romance in their lives, but most don't know how to get it, reports the survey.

Well, I can spot one thing they're doing wrong: a staggering 55 per cent of men have said those three little words – "I love you" - to get a woman into bed, and a further 41 per cent of women admit to doing the same.

According to my somewhat cynical understanding of men, anything heavy, like the words "I love you"" for instance, makes them want to run a mile. So how does telling a man you love him get him into bed?

Aside from this, my advice for those on the quest for true romance would be to be a bit more honest and not to spoil something that could actually be romantic if only you held off for a while.

The bandying around of this not-so-sacred-anymore phrase reminds of that bit in Sex and the City when Samantha says "Until he says 'I love' you', you're a free agent". Can it be that we live in an age where using these 'buzz words' is more a way of having power over someone and trying to secure them than actually wanting to profess our feelings? Because that really is a sorry state of affairs.

Having said that it is important not to say Those Three Words unless they are fully founded, I must admit to having done it myself.

The first time I told a man I loved him, at the tender age of 17, it was via text (I was seventeen after all) and it was more of an experiment than a genuine confession since I don't think I actually loved him at that stage.

The response I received was a smooth side-step: "I bet u say that to all the guys". This did however break the ice and we started saying it every now and then.

It wasn't until we had been together quite a lot longer that we admitted we had just been saying it for the sake of it. By that point we were hopelessly in love. The coolest couple in the common room, if you will.

My youth and inexperience is my only excuse for having played this game and I would not dream of doing it now. It seems strange to me that grown adults, in their quest for more romance, resort to lying about the extent of their feelings for someone.

I think one of the biggest turn-offs ever is an insincere compliment. Last week I had a date with a guy who kept bringing on the heavies. He actually whispered things like "You're gorgeous" to me. This was thoroughly off-putting and I knew from then on that this was a no-go.

At the risk of sounding like a complicated woman, compliments and affection do, to an extent, need to be earned in order for them to carry any weight.

So, readers, let me leave you with those timeless lyrics that will forever stand the test of time: "You can't hurry love. No, you just have to wait", and so on.