Why go to Normandy?

It perhaps seems a little odd for someone to choose to go abroad and then plump for one of the closest available locations as a suitable destination, but Britons still opt to visit the north coast of France in droves. Perhaps they feel that travelling too far from home would prove too much of a culture shock; after all, Calais was in British hands as recently as 1558. And let us not forget, too, that British forces have been a regular feature in Northern France since then, so it would come as no surprise if many Britons saw the area simply as England Extended, and with slightly better weather.

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Indeed, it is the historical significance of Northern France - especially Normandy - that proves much of the attraction for overseas visitors. Operation Overlord still excites the imagination, with visitors to the beaches of Sword, Juno, Gold, Omaha and Utah still consistently high in numbers. Some of the battlements and bunkers remain, and it is almost possible to envisage Monty and his men outfoxing the German incumbents who, although warned by the devilishly competent Rommel, were taken by surprise.

When I visited the area, I stayed near the quaint town of Sourdeval, which has apparently seen little infrastructure investment since the English were last driven out. The town's central attraction is the cattle market, which is notable perhaps only for its prolific stench. For more refined entertainment, then, I headed to Bayeux, home of the infamous tapestry.

For the uninitiated, the Bayeux tapestry tells the story of the Norman conquest. Not to be confused with a play by Alan Ayckbourne, which stars a chap called Norman, it in fact describes how a whole army of Normans crossed the channel in 1066 and invaded England. If, during the inspection, a Frenchman is found to be gleeful at the fact that one of his countrymen successfully overran Albion, it should perhaps be pointed out to him - in as polite a manner as possible - that the event did occur nearly a thousand years ago, and since then we have remained unconquerable. What's more, the same could not be said of France - which we have saved and invaded on a number of occasions - while the English defeat can be put down largely to the fact that we were led by a man called Harold.

If history's not your thing, it might perhaps be worth noting that Normandy is as famous for its glorified carpets as it is for its cheeses. Camembert, Livarot, Pont l'Evêque, Brillat-Savarin, Neufchâtel, and Boursin all hail from the area, so use the holiday to stock up with smelly foodstuffs to take back home. And as wine is never in short supply in France, it's well worth buying a few bottles of cheap plonk as well. This, it should be pointed out, is every Englishman's duty: it's like a modern version of rape and pillage, and retribution for Bayeux, and payment for saving their bacon so many times since then. And it's probably why so many Brits find themselves there in the first place.